nostromo

So far the new year looks so uncertain, all that i'm sure of is that some bold changes will be made and change scares me sometimes. It looks like my happiness is based upon the happiness of others, and the people I care mostly about are unhappy. My spirit is wasted and I feel discouraged. I'm afraid that I was born curiously unfitted for the fate waiting for me on this earth. All I hope for is some form or perhaps only some formula of peace.

dirty old man

"Frankly, I was horrified by life, at what a man had to do simply in order to eat, sleep, and keep himself clothed. So I stayed in bed and drank. When you drank the world was still out there, but for the moment it didn’t have you by the throat."
-Charles Bukowski

Maybe i should take up drinking.

Moral Indignation

Often I wonder if ultimately the culture around here is taken by the belief that being lovable is essentially a junction between being popular and having sex appeal. And people will see each other as assets, because they are primarily interested in associating with others only if they believe they can manipulate and control them...because we live in a world of things, and our only connection with them is that we know how to manipulate or to consume them and that is interpreted as love. When i go out I feel like i'm fighting for my right to be a person and not a thing, we are not things. It's a vicious problem because love is the most fundamental thing in life and when it is misconstrued in such a way, by so many, then we are all in danger. Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. Love is a union with somebody, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self.

Don't implacede her.

I blinked out towards the window. I had the impression that it wasn't night and it wasn't day, but some lurid third interval that had suddenly slipped between them and I hoped it would never end.